Lots to say so just bare with me

Ok so work is going good. i have got 43 this week because of things that have been going on. which is good. i think finally just maybe i can finally get on my feet and stay there. for the last two weeks i will have 80 hours so that will be a really good paycheck plus time and half for those 3 hours that would count for overtime!!!! LOVE IT!! its funny what really gets you thinking about things.... i finally was able to get up with codie today. i havent really been able to hang out with her at all since i left ingles. i guess thats what i really miss the most is not being able to talk to her and everything. she has this new guy lee in her life and she really is liking him a lot which is great. i just hope she knows what she is doing. its codie here even though sometimes it seems like she doesnt know what she is going to do or if it really is right she always sees what is suppose to happen in the end. but she still is really hurting over justins death. which i can SOOO understand. it has only been a few months now but that really hit her hard. we are so different but so alike at the same time. she is the same way i was when jared died. its different yes very but in the same way its the same. she had known justin since they were little so he was like a brother to her and they were friends. i am not sure how good of friends they were but i know they were friends. but it got to how i felt when jared died. you know i think of him a lot but only certain things really make me think of him you know. but this really got me thinking hard. i mean when jared died it took me weeks to go even near the house. i stayed at brittanys house until i was ready to go home. that is why i see her as family. out of all the people in my life at that moment of time it seems like she was really the only one there. her and her family were great to me. they let me stay in their home for as long as i needed and was and still is there for me. that got me thinking about the wedding. it got me thinking even 6 years later they still feel like family. they still feel like out of all the things in the world that they matter so much to me. out of all the people that were around me they were the only ones that let me be me. i know that doesnt say much but to them they will know what i mean. i know it seems like i say this a lot and i know i do but after all the time i have now that my life is going the way i want it too it finally realize how much family i really do have. brittany really is more than just a friend to me she is my sister. the sister i never had. the sister that stood by me that i could talk to and hang out with. the sister i always wanted all my sisters to be. i have her. it got me thinking also of what really has made my life my life. that the new family that i have the wonderful family that i have is what i have always had. all my life i felt abandoned that no one ever wanted me. i got moved around so much i cant remember where things started and where they ended but when i got with the lofts that all changed. wow. it really just gets you thinking of who really is important to you that is in your life now. sorry i just really got to thinking a lot about jared today. and i am finally at a job where no one knows me no one knows my past and they wont know. i can be me and not have to worry about putting on a face because they dont know the reason behind the face if and when i do have to do it if i have to do it. i know i have a tough life people tell me that all the time but whats funny is i wasnt alone and i still not alone. i have more people then i have ever had in my life. and i have the same great people that i will always have in my life. and that that i wouldnt change for the world. my family all of them they are the best family in the world. and i think if it wasnt for brittany especially brittany. i still remember the day after jared died and i ran to the bathroom and who was already there brittany. no one else couldve helped me that day more then her. seeing her in that bathroom the same one i was going to wow. and all the friends that i had no one ever went after me but brittany wouldnt leave the bathroom until she knew i was ok. God put her in my life and for that i cant be mad at him any longer. she really is my guardian angel. sometimes i think if it wasnt for her and her family that i probably wouldnt even be here. i wouldnt have the life that i do. ok i am done. sorry brit if i made you cry just had to get it out. i love you all so much and i know i dont say it enough but i do. thank you for everything from the past to the future..... no more tears for me tonight!!!

ps brit i am trying to send this picture to you i just havent found the right frame for it yet!!!