im still having a lot of health problems. the Lord has helped me in so many ways though. he has helped me find people to be able to pay my bills since im not working. i only have been working 4 hours a week. it kills me to work... the pain is unbearable and nothing seems to work. but i am getting by but im thanking the lord for helping me in this time of need.
its funny this morning got me thinking of the holidays that are coming up. its like after halloween the big holidays come. its crazy to think of how fast this year has gone by. you got thanksgiving and then christmas. so many people enjoy the holidays and enjoy the time with family. its so wonderful. but it got me thinking about last year. i did stuff for me. i had thanksgiving by myself and i did christmas by myself. it wasnt terrible like people said. if i learned anything from it... its that sometimes doing things for yourself helps you better know yourself and helps you grow. it made me thankful for everything that has happened and remember that being alone isnt always bad... that sometimes being alone is better then being with someone. it makes you more thankful for what you have at the moment instead of what you dont. especially now i understand that better then i have my whole life. with everything that has gone on in the past years... the last few months have shown me that even if you dont know you have God beside you that he is there just in case. i have been so upset at myself and at Him for taking jared away but i think im starting to understand now that even though i have been mad at him and i dont pray like i should that he is still there. i guess that is my wake up call.
thats something else that is coming up quick. jareds birthday was the 23rd of this month. it really got me thinking of what would be different if he was still here. what would he look like? where would he be in life if he was still alive? the anniversary of his death always sneaks up on me. it always makes me think about my life and how thankful i am that he was such a big part of it even though it was only for a short time. that short time is what changed my life forever. its weird to me but it still feels like yesterday. people say over time that it will start feeling better. funny to me because after 9 years it still feels the same. i still miss him but i think i always will. i think about things and how different everything might be. but i still thank God for him. he was so amazing and was always the person i looked up to. every day i wish i could be half the person he was. i just hope that i can be that. some days i really see him as my guardian angel. i know most people dont really believe in that but i do. days that something bad happens and it could have been so much worse then it was... he is always the first person i think of.
wow really got off subject here... so im thanking everyone that has ever been apart of my life. without you... i wouldnt be the person i am. you have helped mold me into the person i have become and without you i wouldnt be me. so thank you
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